I came across this poem and it was hugely encouraging to me. Enjoy...and be convicted :)

I asked the Lord that I might grow
   In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His Salvation know,
  And seek more earnestly His face.

I thought that in some favoured hour
   At once He’d answer my request;
And, by His love’s constraining power,
   Subdue my sins and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
   The hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry power of hell
   Assault my soul in every part.

“Lord, why is this?” I trembling cried.
   “Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?”
“Tis in this way,” the Lord replied,
  “I answer prayer for grace and faith.”

“These inwards trials I employ
     From self and pride to set thee free,
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
    That thou may’st seek thy all in me!”

---Anonymous

Musings on pop Christian songs & Alzheimers

So your life feels like it don't make sense

And you think to yourself, "I'm a good person,

So why do these things keep happening?"

Why you gotta deal with them?

I've heard this catchy, pop "Christian" song on the radio a lot lately.  After listening to the lyrics though, I realized there is a lie in there that so many Christians buy into. Including myself.

 

"I'm a good person, so why do these things keep happening."

 

As a believer, I have really known very little suffereing. And it's NOT because I'm a good person. In fact, the more I see myself in light of God's Word, the more I realize I deserve worse suffering than I can imagine!

 

My grandmother has been lying in a nursing home bed for years now. Everytime I go see her I really struggle with understanding the purpose of her laying there, year after year after year. Suffering.  Seemingly pointless existance. Lonely. It is one of the most depressing, hardest things I have experienced.  Alzheimer's has got to be THE most horrible, insidious disease. No one knows what it's like because NO ONE gets better to tell about it.  You cannot express if you're in pain, hungry, thirsty. Nothing. It's long. It's drawn out.  It's the definition of suffering.

 

These past few months, the Lord has helped my understanding of suffering greatly. As believers, we are not immune to suffering.  (By suffering, I am not meaning, persecution, but rather suffering due to living in a fallen world.) Being "good" does not merit an easy life.  Really, being a true believer should be the hardest life there is to live, because not only could we have suffering just because we live in a fallen world, but persecution on top of that!

 

Since dealing with ongoing headaches these past few months, I have really questioned "what am I doing wrong?" I continuously prayed for the Lord to reveal some glaring sin in my life I wasn't dealing with. I questioned the genuiness of my salvation. Maybe I'm not saved? Why else would the Lord allow me to go through this? "God, I could serve you SO MUCH BETTER if I were healthy!"

 

After talking with a wise friend, she pointed out to me that scripture says suffering is either as a result of sin in our lives OR it is to cause someone to be more fruitful, bringing God more glory.

 

"But! Lord! I could be more fruitful if I were healthy all the time! I could do so much more!"  Then, she wisely pointed out that God doesn't need our service. He is Self-sufficient. He is all powerful. He doesn't NEED ANYTHING! Including all the "work" I do for His body. He may want my fruit to come out of pain & suffering.

 

Ouch.

 

I am beginning to understand that God does has a purpose and a plan for suffering.  Allowing His children to go through suffering is not cruel. It's loving. When I understand that I deserve HELL then I learn to embrace the suffering of this life all the more. God is so loving to let me suffer a little while on this earth knowing my reward is NOT here! It causes me to long for His return all the more!  It has also given me a deep, great compassion for others who suffer even more so than my light affliction.  It has shown me how detestable pride is to God. How dare I think I deserve to live a painless, healthy, easy life, as if I deserve that?  It has caused me to see this world through new eyes. I no longer see the world as a fun, exciting place to live.  I see it as a fallen world, groaning for the time that it may be restored by its Maker.

 

   May this be my song:

 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ! I Peter 1:3-7



Cherry Limeade Cupcakes:REVAMPED

Cherry Limeade Cupcakes
(adapted from Javacupcakes.com)

Makes 4 dozen cupcakes

Cake
5 1/4 cups flour*
3/4 cup corn starch*
(or use 6 cups of cake flour)
1 tsp salt
2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 cups (4 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups sugar
2 limes, zested and juiced
6 eggs
1 cup sour cream
20 oz. lime syrup (recipe below)

Preheat oven to 350 F degrees. Line cupcake pan with liners.

In a medium bowl, prepare the sugar by working the lime zest into sugar by pressing the back of a spatula down into sugar, thus releasing the oils from the zest into the sugar. This process should take about five minutes, and the sugar will become very fragrant. Set aside.

In another large bowl, sift together the flour, corn starch, salt, baking powder and soda. (I did not sift)

In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the lime sugar and mix on high until light and fluffy.

Add 10 oz of lime syrup. Mix until combined. Don’t worry if it appears curdled… it’s normal at this point! Add the eggs one at a time and mix until incorporated.

In three parts, add the flour mixture. Between each addition of flour, add parts of sour cream. Mix only until the flour is just combined. DO NOT OVER MIX!

Fill liners 2/3 full, or use an ice cream scoop to distribute one full scoop into each liner.

Bake for 17-19 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Cool in pans for 5-10 minutes before removing to wire rack to cool completely.

Once cool, poke 7-10 holes in each cupcake with a toothpick. Use remaining lime syrup & drizzle a tablespoon of syrup over each cupcake, allowing it to soak into the cake. 



Lime Syrup
Zest of 2 limes
Juice of 4 limes
2 cups of sugar
1 cup of water

Mix together in a saucepan on low. Heat only until sugar is dissolved. This part of the recipe is very much to taste- add sugar or lime as need to sweeten or to add tartness. You need 20 oz of the lime syrup total for this recipe (10 oz for the batter, 10 oz for drizzling)

Cherry Buttercream(Double this recipe to have enough to frost 4 dozen lime cupcakes)

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, room temperature
powdered sugar (start with 2 cups then add as you like- depends on how buttery or sweet you want it)
Cherry juice (recipe below)- Start with 2 Tbsp- then add to get desired color or flavor
3-4 tbsp heavy whipping cream

In the bowl of a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, cream the butter until smooth.
Add the sifted powdered sugar, one cup at a time, to the butter. Cream after each addition.
After half the sugar has been added, add the cherry juice and mix until combined. Add remaining sugar
Add enough whipping cream until you get your desired consistency, you may not need all of it, or you might want to add more.

After everything has been combined, mix on high for 30 seconds.

Pipe onto cupcakes and top with a cherry and lime for garnish.

Cherry Juice
The original recipe calls for the juice from marischino cherries which is artificial and contains red food dye. You could substitue with 100% cherry juice  or cherry extract (if you're able to find it) or this:

a bag of frozen cherries
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup water
dash of salt
1 tsp of vanilla

Heat until sugar is dissolved and cherris begin to juice. I mashed it with a potaoe masher to get more juice out. I found this made enough juice for 2 recipes so I have some for next time (and I saved the cherries for another use)

Year 1

It is so hard to believe that one year of marriage has already passed. What a joy it's been.  What a blessing. What GROWTH! I've seen more ugliness in myself than I ever knew existed. Praise the Lord for that. This year has been a year full of grace and learning. Hard at times, but always for our good.

Before getting married, I was confident that I knew Dan well and that I knew he was going to be a good husband. Boy was I wrong. I had NO IDEA what kind of guy I was getting. Everyday he is better and better and I just can't believe how blessed I am.  I told him on our anniversary, I think the biggest surprise of the first year is that he's still by my side and likes me. That in itself amazes me.

We were able to spend the weekend in downtown Kansas City. It was such a fun, relxaing time. We attended a Weekend To Remember conference which was encouraging & a great reminder of what exactly our marriage is about.

At The Cheesecake Factory

Me with Tiramisu

Dan with Anniversary Cheesecake

(he thought that seemed appropriate)

After these pictures, silence ensued as we devoured our delicious desserts.

Beautiful scenery from our top floor hotel room

I have loved this marriage! (most days =)  I have found marriage to be most difficult when I make it an idol and it does not give me what I want. I pray the Lord continues to sanctify both of us and help us tear down our idols! I am so thankful that He is faithful when we are not. I look forward to being broken and sanctified so that I may become more like Christ. All with my husband by my side.

Before & After

I can't believe Christmas has come and gone already. It went SO FAST but these past few weeks have been a joyous time of tons of family, friends, food, reading, and no work (well at least not at the office)

When I came home from work on my birthday, I found a pretty little box on the table. A gift from my sweet husband



BEFORE


AFTER

 He is such a blessing to me. And not just because he picks out incredible gifts but because the Lord is using him to cause me to be a better, more Christ-like person. I now understand what people mean when they say that. Marriage has an incredible purpose to help us change and become sanctified and now...I UNDERSTAND. And oh my am I thankful for a husband!

Ok, sorry. I got a little distracted thinking about how blessed I am by my wonderful husband.




 

On New Year's Day my Aunt Mary made my grandmother's doughnut recipe. We had potatoe doughnuts as well as German Drop doughnuts. It was fun being able to watch these being made (and of course sample :)

BEFORE

AFTER

YUM!



But not all was fun and games. We also bought a used dresser and made it our own



BEFORE

A little bit of work and it looks so much better! And for a much better price than buying it at a furniture store.

Russia on my mind

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the trip I took to Russia in February. Maybe it is because at this time last year I was preparing to go. Or maybe it's because winter is setting in and it is reminding me of Siberia.

(Side note: Siberia was so beautiful! I absolutely loved the country--I was in my element (weather wise, that is...In Siberia the world is in shades of gray. Snow blankets every corner of EVERYTHING. You basically walk and drive on several inches of packed snow. There are forests upon forest of silver birch trees. Everyone there wears full length fur coats (REAL fur coats).  It was cold, but there was hardly any wind...at least while I was there. That made the cold much more bearable! It was so beautiful!)


I went to Tomsk, Siberia on a 'Dental Missions Trip.' Our "make do" free dental clinic was set up in a Sunday school room of the church that hosted us.  While people came to wait for their turn to have dental work done, the pastor of the church preached the gospel to them. Every person who came to get work done heard the gospel. It was so neat to be a part of that! 

We were in a part of Siberia where English speakers are few and far between. Unless we had our 2 translators with us, it was impossible to communicate with people. I have never in my life felt like such a foreigner. EVERYTHING was different from what I knew: language, clothing, food, people, toilets. DENTISTRY. Everything.



On that trip, I felt so foreign, so alienated from the Russians because we had hardly anything in common.  Because of that,  I loved  the States more, I was more thankful, and I was comforted to know it was temporary. I felt foreign because I was not HOME.  I was ok with that feeling. I knew I would be home soon.

During our long flight back to the States I was convicted that I should feel like a foreigner...ALL THE TIME! Even when I am in the States.  The States are not my home. Philippians 3:20 tells me my "citizenship is in heaven" --this world is not my home. People who love this world and the things in this world...I should not bond with them over that. I should not be surprised when in my own country, state, town, job, etc, that I feel different, separated...maybe even rejected. In fact, I often times want to be accepted, I don't want to be awkard around people. I want to be able to comfortably fit in. And this should concern me!

I hope that the more I live in this world, the more alienated I feel and the more unattached I become. I really do mean that. Easy to say of course, harder to live out. But it is not worth feeling comfortable in this world yet being extremely uncomfortable for an eternity in hell. I found myself praying the other day, "Lord, whatever it takes, draw me near to You. Please show me that their is nothing in this world worth having, compared to spending eternity with you." How comforting to know that in Christ I am not a stranger or alien, but a fellow citizen with the saints and members of the household of God. (Ephesians 2:18-19).

Going to Russia was such a fun, neat experience. There were moments, though, when I did not feel like a stranger.  Thankfully I was with 4 American believers like me.  Also, our 2 translators were amazing, faithful, regenerate Christian believers.  Knowing that we all shared this common faith made it easy and comfortable to be with them. We were all strangers together. Praise the Lord for the blessing of fellow believers to make this short stay in this foreign land more joyful!

So I hope (if you are a believerr) the next time you feel left out, not accepted, like a foreigner...you will be ok with that. And may it cause you to look forward with joy to your heavenly home! Cause we're not home!

Decadence

Just finished an amazing meal.  Dan fired up the grill and we had yummy Wernli hamburgers. But this time I topped with something new:

Brie cheese

It was DIVINE! It was amazing.  Probably the BEST hamburger I've ever had.

 

If it looks like is smothered in buttery, creamy goodness, well it is. The Brie was delicious. It literally melted in my mouth.

And as IF that weren't enough, I tried a new dessert. Apple Peach Crisp with Maple Cream Sauce.

It was incredibly rich and creamy as well 

 

If it looks like it's drowning in sweet creaminess, that's because it is.

It has REAL maple in it. (And real cream and real sugar. It was REAL good :)